Each Wednesday I participate in community with Ann at A Holy Experience. She asked us to name our year in this post. I thought about that... after a while I thought it was a good idea. How did I come to my Peter moment—my year of the ROCK? Read on.
Yesterday after writing the post MAKING A DIFFERENCE WITH MY WORDS, I was determined to live how I wrote...practice what I'd preached. Speak words of life into all around me.
I didn't do so good.
Immediately after cleaning my bedroom, my daughter brought her father's shoes from the living room and said, "Dad here are your shoes."
"Sit them right there," he said, pointing to the floor in front of our bed.
"No, put them in the closet," I said.
"No, I'm going to put them on shortly. Put them where I said."
"Then you can walk to the closet when you're ready for them," take them to the closet. I said.
Seeing the bewilderment on my daughters face made me say, "Just sit them down."
I was hot ... oh so mad.
I stormed out of the room and while taking clothes out of the dryer and pouring fabric softener into the dispenser—I had ugliness emerge from within me. One ugly unkind word after another rolled off my tongue.
Then I remembered my post on words. My blog post: Making a difference with my words.
And I remembered the beloved Peter. The one I identify with the most.
...And he went out and wept bitterly. ~ Matthew 26:75
I, too—wept bitterly within. How could I have meant what I'd written with all my heart one minute. And in the next minute tear my brother...in this case he's also my husband down with my unkind words.
I remembered what I'd written. Words to Him. Words to me. Words to you. I was grief stricken. I'd displeased Him who so graciously gives me grace moment upon moment.
I felt taken for granted.
I felt as if my work didn't matter.
I felt like, though he never said it, as if my husband was saying, "What's the big deal?" If the room gets messy again, just clean it again."
"I'm sorry Lord." I say to my Father with grieving heart.
"I'm sorry sweetie for putting you in the middle of that," I say to my 15 year-old daughter.
Then I go to him, my husband. "I'm sorry for doing that in front of Kia."
My heart is now calm again. I sit and talk to my Father. He strengthens me. Hugs me with His Words that He brings to memory. Words that are hidden within my heart. Words that touch my soul.
I go back to my High Calling Work of the day. Work that He has called me to do with my hands:
Cleaning. Instructing kids. Uplifting neighbors. Encouraging family. Laughing. Watching children play. Laundry. Cooking.
It's now late evening. I get dressed, put makeup on. My husband, daughter Kia, and I head 80 miles to my hometown. The place where I grew up as a girl.
Tonight is my first, girl, cousin dinner. It's where all of the first female cousins get together. We look at old photographs. We laugh a lot. We talk a lot.
My husband takes our daughter to my cousins house to sleep over. He comes back for me several hours later. It's dark. We drive home. The skies night light illuminates our faces.
"All is well Lord." I whisper.
Finally we are home and we're in bed. He's still laughing and talking from our conversation on the way home.
"Are you listening?" He asks.
"Angie did you hear me?"
I laugh. "I've been found out."
"I'm sleepy. Tired. Let's finish talking in the morning." I say.
"Okay." He says.
He kisses me and I fall asleep.
I share this moment only because I can be one who holds onto issues. But I was reminded of my words. Me wanting to speak life, and I was reminded of Peter.
Peter saw his fault instantly. He repented. He moved on ... and the Lord used Him.
I know that I'm trying to let my Christian light shine among a dark world, but I also know that it must start at home first— my Christian service.
I am the Jesus my children see first... their father and me. I also want my husband to see Jesus in me.
The year of the ROCK. The rock which Jesus would build His church ... Peter the leader of the church, for his function, not even for his character, necessarily.
Peter reminds me that I'm the church... and built on the foundation "Rock" Christ as the cornerstone, all believers are joined into His church... his faith.
Jesus praised peter for his confession of faith. It is faith like Peter's that is the foundation of Christ's Kingdom.