On my back! That's the description of my posture this weekend. Back pain had me down
flat— pain and the drowsiness caused by the muscle relaxers I was popping.
In between pain and sleep, I found myself being supported by huge pillows in attempts to sit up and help my dearly beloved complete a 15 + hour test. A test that really should have been taken weeks, if not at minimum, a month ago. This is just the sort of thing in times past that would send my tongue on a lashing spree. Not this thime. This time I was his note taker—the bopping head one. He would read, and I would write what was read. I would doze. And then I would write. Sometimes I put tablet and pen down to sleep. This worried the Husband. His composure told.
I'm learning how to be the blessing. The giver, especially to him. Sometimes...a lot of times, sadly, he is taken for granted by me. I'm a gift seeker now. I see him differently, just by the tilting of my head he changes: becomes swan like. He's one of my biggest gifts. I write about eucharisteo, and it teach me how to live fully in the moment right here, where I am, and to give thanks, how to see. Find the beauty. I'm beginning to understand how words take on skin. Understand how vision becomes clearer with the giving of thanks and the tilting of the head. "Thank You Lord for the opportunity to serve my husband in this moment. Yes...even this." I take pleasure... I know what to look for ... the beauty. I know that stopping to appreciate the moment...to whisper a prayer of thanks... slows things down so that time becomes seemingly still. My attitude calms his fears. He feeds off me.
It is strange how just a tilt of the head one way or the other can change the perception of our view. An entire perspective of a situation can be changed simply based on how we see it, and what we do with what we see. It is true what Elisabeth says, "Anything if given to God can become our gateway to joy." So true. And anything really does mean "anything."
I am not in control. Think it is finally seeping in.
The gratitude list # 106
~ thankful for my husband (my soul mate) and the different ways of seeing
"The day you said 'I do' you chose your love; since then you have been learning to love your choice." ~ Donna Otto