Waiting and working within God's realm

He calls to say he's picking up pizza for the kids, and will go to the restaurant to cook us two chicken fried steaks.  That's when I hear it: exhaustion.  He's tired.  Today was his full day at the eatery.  He worked there for hours.  I thought he would come home to be with us after he left there, but he said, "He needed to go and knock on some doors."
"Man working by the sweat of his brow, bless him and protect Him Lord." I pray.

I feel awful and guilty.  My back still pangs which limits my movements.  Today my ventures have been to the bathroom, bed, and computer.  Being confined Sunday to the bed wasn't the best of time, at least I had the time to help Husband with his test so I accepted the situation.  Today, however, I really need to get caught up on house work: sit at the table with the children to school properly, and be able to move around.  Where is the gift, hm?  I'm beginning to sense a struggle to see through today's lenses.  I'm tilting the head, but the vision isn't coming in clear either way.  Vision is blurred, and attitude is simmering, appearing to be on the verge of a spill if I'm not careful.

Wisdom shouts to my heart: "Be careful.  Stroll lightly in conversation.  Control the tongue."

May I ask again, "Where is the beauty?  Where is the gift in this?"  I struggle to see.

A quick prayer calms the rising waves within yet again.  My mind shifts, "the birds are here."  I hear their calls.  I can see the sunlight through the shades and the sheer curtains, hear the wind too.  The reflection of the trees swaying dance through the curtains, and make their way to the wall.  This entertains me for a while.  Gift?

We never know what a day may bring

Just last week I was out and about on the back porch reading Job, eating Sunflower seeds, drinking lemonade.  Today...only a few days later I'm barely able to lift my body and move without being medicated... and if pain becomes too bad, I medicate and wait for slumber...where is the beauty?  I count gifts...where are they today?

What I've concluded

In writing my mind has concluded that this is where God wants me.  Maybe that is the beauty... to realize and accept where He wants me.  To be fully here, laying down the complaining and the discontent for what His hand has chosen to give me today.  This is my lot...my bread for today.  Aren't I to give thanks in everything...even this?  I sigh.  The heart is in agreement.  Spirit's roaring subsides within when I release the will. 

I must do what I can do in my limited space..."Do the next thing," if I can.  What I can't do means that His hand has not given it to me to do today, because whatever He calls us to do...He equips us to do it.  Surely my frets and worries over the matter will not change a single thing.  It will only make me and those around me miserable and uncomfortable, and displease God...so I think I'll bag the attitude and send it out with the trash.

For now, I wait and work within my realm 'cause that's all I can do anyway.

"All is grace."

"And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?"

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater.  He sendeth more strength when the trials increase.  To added affliction He added His mercy.  To multiple trials, He multiplies peace.

                                                                                                                      a repost from the archives


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