Getting good at life. Isn't that a commonality among us all? We all want to become better at the life we're living. About a week ago, I signed up to host a blog talk radio program: Gateways. After I finished signing up I browsed around the blog talk site for a while, and came across a picture that caught my attention. "Wow that's a pretty lady," I thought and "what a gorgeous smile. The next thing to catch my eye on the picture were the words, "Getting Good At Life," hosted by Dr. Carolyn. "Is that Dr. Carolyn, I asked myself or is that a model?"
I wanted to hear her, but I didn't want to waste my time listening to anything boring. "Should I chance it?" I asked. I began to scroll through her archives, when immediately I saw where the last show dealt with codependency. It was actually the second show on codependency that I was about to listen to.
"Whoa!" I thought. Seeing the word codependency jarred me straight in my chair. I had just discovered my own issues with this topic months prior. When I first learned about the coined term I dismissed it. Just like there is legally jargon, I thought of that word as being psycho-babbling jargon and I stayed away from it. For what ever reason, I was drawn to her and felt deep within I was about to be blessed and discover some new truths. So I listened.
What Dr. Carolyn talked about on her show resonated truth within me, instantly I was hooked.
Y'all— I just found out something about me. I began discovering it about a year ago. Bit by bit the Lord continues to show me more and more about me. The Lord first brought this discovery to me through a good friend. She would always tell me I was controlling. I would always cry when she told me that, and share with her my reason behind my action. She would laugh and say, "Okay, but you're still controlling and you are only crying because you can't get your way, or because I'm not agreeing with you."
She was partly right. Through circumstances and situations God is teaching me to take a very close look at me. To know "thyself" as the doctor said. Knowing thyself can be very ugly work, but hey—if you don't do it who will? It's ugly, but needed in order to move forward for that better life we all aspire to. "An unexamined life isn't worth living," says Socrates.
Just to give you a glimpse of my personality, I want to share a small piece of story with you. Last year I started helping a good friend with his blog. After some time my friend decided that he didn't want me helping him with his blog anymore. He was in ministry with someone else and he thought he and this person should merge their blogs together and what have you. That was fine with me. "Let me train you guys," I said to this friend. Neither wanted that for whatever reason. "Well you really need to be trained" due to xyz ... I would say. On and on I went trying to convince him on not only why they needed help, but to let me help them. "I want to do it," he continued to say. I continued trying to explain why they needed my help. And he continued saying they would do it. Finally it dawned on me: He doesn't want my help! Accepting that truth was hard and hurtful, but finally—finally, I realized I had to let go. "When helping you is hurting me it is time for me to let go, as in this case." ~ Dr. Carolyn Miller
Often times we have to let people and situations go and give them and ourselves room to grow. The codependency part in this matter for me is that I put my own blog on hold to help this person. I just put my blog to the side to help him. The healthy thing to do would have been for me to help him when I could ... after working on my own blog. Do you see?
There's nothing wrong with helping someone else, or even putting some of our desires last to help someone else. God's Word calls for us to make such sacrfices at times. But we need to know "thyself" so that we can continuously do self-evaluation to make sure our motives for what we are doing truly line up with God and what His Word says. Are we doing what we do because we're broken and need to feel whole ... thus needing praise and accolades, or are we doing this solely to see God use the situation or individual for His kingdom? Whatever the reason you do what you do, be honest with yourself . Just because we are doing "ministry" work or work that involves "God talk" doesn't mean our hearts are right with Him. Know this. Be okay with this and move forward.
When I first came to see how broken I was and am I was embarrased and hid it, but what good does hiding do when I still have the issue of being broken. No I had to come to grips with the person God showed me I was. I embraced it and begin to move within the realm of who He showed me I am. Broken. I am broken but still useable ... moldable.
We have to let go to move on
Letting go of a situation doesn't mean you have failed at it, as I have often thought. As the lady doc pointed out on her radio program, "It's not all about you. Or me. Letting go of a situation doesn't mean we are dropping the ball. We are simply surrendering. "Giving it to the Lord."
Those words were my "aha" moment! And the even bigger "aha" moment came when she said, "Trust other people, even in their short-comings. God uses broken people." Let me just say, "Amen" to that.
God uses broken people to get His work done. To see that fact all we have to do is open the HOLY BIBLE. Right there in the HOLY SCRIPTURES we will see how broken so and so was used by the Lord.
Look at David. Boy was he a screw-up. David was a murderer, he committed adultery, couldn't control his children, had blood stained hands... . David was broken. But in all of his messed up brokenness God called this messed-up sinner, "A man after His own heart."
In our brokenness as we strive to put the pieces of life together to accomplish what He wills let us not forget this very important truth. "Everything if given to God can be our gateway to joy." Let the brokenness of your life be your gateway to joy today.
... But the vessel that he was making of clay was spoiled in the hand of the potter, so he remade it into another vessel, as it pleased the potter to make. ~ Jeremiah 18:4
To hear Dr. Carolyn Miller radio program on Codependency, part 2 click here.