It's 12:30 in the morning, I'm in the bathroom, I'm fully clothed on the toilet talking to the Lord telling Him how I will not go.
It's 2:30 in the morning, I sit on the floor near the toilet... crying, throwing up. "No Lord. I won't do it. I won't go."
It's 5:30 in the morning, I lay prostrated on the bathroom floor flailing, crying hard, covering my mouth so no one will hear. "I am not going Lord!"
My husband knocks on the door, "Are you ok?"
It's 9:30 in the morning and there I am. I feel shame and discuss when I enter the courtroom, embarrassment clothes me. By the time I take my seat, I'm calmed and am overtaken by a peace. A peace that surpassed my comprehension.
"I should not be in a place like this." I think. "Especially for the reason that I'm here." I tell myself.
The attorney's ask if I'm okay. Surprisingly even to me, I am fine. I have peace unlike the night before.
"Mrs. Ambroise is in the courtroom,Your Honor."
"Mrs. Ambroise will you please come forward," says the judge.
"Oh, my Lord," I think. The last thing I want are a bunch of eyes on me—pitting me.
Things go well. After my husband and I leave court he takes his attorney and me out to lunch. We go to a very nice seafood place by the beach and sit on the pier.
They both talk about my strength. "Believe me, it wasn't me. It was God carrying me."
My husband apologizes for the millionth time.
I look at him and swallow hard.
"I did it for those kids." I say. "Every child has a right to know their father if at all possible. They deserve to know the touch of a loving father's hand, experience his love, his way.
I did it for you too. You now are at the place where you display sorrow for your actions. You display Godly sorrow now. You are sorry I know, I can feel it. I see it in your eyes, your mannerism. I see it in your face.
We will get through. We will take the necessary steps to move on, baby steps, but they will be steps taken forward nonetheless. God will carry us through, of that I am most assured."
How can I withhold that which the Father so freely gives to me? GRACE
This story took place 12 years ago, I share this story with you, only, to show how when we allow God to use us in humility, other's always benefit from our act. Remember humility is an act that we do on behalf of another. We don't benefit from the act though we are the one doing. We do not for ourselves, but for the benefit of another.
"Father, if You are willing remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done...and being in agony He was praying very fervently; and His sweat became like drops of blood, falling down upon the ground." ~ Matthew 22: 42&44Post is linked to Walk With Him Wednesday, The Practice of Humility