Does he give you the silent treatment?

Today's post is a piggyback so to speak off of  Women Living Well. While reading my "daily blogs" I saw where Courtney had written the above post.

The post moved me still.

I looove Courtney and the blogging ministry that God has given her.  Her posts are very thought-out and informative.

I get many emails from women who experience abuse from the hands of the man that God has given to protect and love them.

What I find sad are the "good abusers" of course no abuse is ever good, but there are some men, Christian men, who feel that if they are not physically hitting their wives or bashing them with words of profanity than they are not abusers.

There are several types of abuse, men.  Did you know that the good old "silent treatment" is a form of abuse?

Sometimes an awful lot is said by "you not saying."  Mr. Nice Guy usually seems to be the one who dishes out this type of emotional abuse and often times the wife has become accustom to receiving it.  Even feeling in some way as if she's deserving of this form of treatment.

The silent treatment is tricky because the Bible tells us to be slow to speak, and often times a Christian abuser will point this out.  The thing that I've seen in dealing with these couples is that the man will go weeks—sometimes months without talking to his wife.  Only speaking with her about the children, finances etc.  Once he's said what he has to say then it is back to silence.

We are never to use the silent treatment as a method to punish or ostracized another.

What I have learned is that many people, men and women, who use the silent treatment to punish had it used on them as children and therefore; it has become a learned behavior.

The abuser reenacts what was done to him and rains down the fear and terror on his victim—his wife, that he felt when young.

This type of abuse also breeds bitterness in both parties, the one giving the silent treatment and the one on the receiving end.

Men.  Women.  This treatment borders on emotional abuse.

Again, the slippery slope here is that sometimes wisdom calls for us to be quiet as a method of "cooling off period."

This is where one person has become so angry by the situation that they need to calm down.

The difference from this and an abusive situation is that, this person's quietness isn't done to ignore, nor is it done in punishment.  This quietness isn't done to gain control or the upper hand on a situation in the relationship.

It's done so the person can gain composure to better handle the situation and have the best outcome for the relationship, not just themselves.

Remember the silent treatment should never be given as a form of punishment.  If you are one giving the silent treatment, and you know in your heart that you give it to gain control of the situation.  My friend you could possibly be an emotional abuser.

Please pray and ask God to help you with your fear.  Your fear of not being able to trust others and let go of your desire to be in control. Allow the Lord to show you yourself and allow Him to open doors for your spouse and you to speak openly about your situation.  Maybe even getting professional help.

Next week, we'll go more into emotional abuse.

xo, Angela

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This post is linked to:
Time Warp Wife
About A Mom
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