don't dump him

It is cold in Houston and I love it!  I got up this morning, ready to design. Instead of going to my office, I decided to work in the living room on the couch.



When I went to check my email I saw where someone had left me a message and referred to me as Val.

Actually this happened a couple of days ago, and I sent a reply asking the lady if she wanted me or Valerie.  This morning when I checked my inbox I saw where she had responded and said she wanted Valerie, so I sent Val the information.

It has been a while, I think May was the last time we corresponded, since I heard from Val.  Anyway, I sent her an email and then went to FB to message her.  While on her FB page I saw a picture of Valerie and this pretty lady.  Now Valerie has a lot of pictures on her FB, but for some reason I was drawn to this lady so I clicked on the link and was taken to her blog and other things.

Here's a link to Juana Mikels and I will give you a hint:


photo credit: Juana Mikels

It seems that she met Elisabeth much in the same way as I did, but that's not even the best part for me. It's good.  Very good in fact, but it isn't the best.

Friends I have been struggling.  I can't say that I'm unhappy in my marriage, but I don't feel like I use to.  My husband doesn't hear me often and when I try talking to him he always turns my complaint {if he sees it as such} back on me. After 23 years of marriage I've become tired and just plain old worn out, and I've been wanting out for a few years now.

He fusses way too much and is horrible with the finances, yet he will not let me help him at all.  I feel bad about wanting to leave because for many years he has been a faithful provider, but last month our home was foreclosed on, we've filed bankruptcy, we have left our church and everything is all in shambles because of his leadership.  Yet he will not take responsibility for it.

This is my numero uno reason for opening the shop trying to bring extra money into our home.  In my heart I've left a lot and in my heart I make plans to leave, but I'm not 100 % sure yet.

I still care deeply for him and that is one of my problems.  I really do want to hate what he has put us through and if I am totally honest, I want to hate him.  But I don't.  And I can't.  I've tried.  I get so upset and angry with him, but it is a silent upset and anger.  I don't yell anymore and I don't even cry anymore.  I just get silent.  I go within and I retreat.

Me retreating has caused problems of it's own for me with my children that I wasn't aware of until recently.  I feel like I haven't really been living my life, I've just been on autopilot.

I tell you this only because I want you to understand my mindset when I went to Juana's blog this morning.  Yes.  It was the picture of her and Val that took me to her blog and I was brought to tears when I saw dear sweet Elisabeth.

But it was this picture and these words that captivated me!


This is the title of Juana Mikels book that will be released soon.

There is such a war going on within me right now.  I love my husband and don't want to break up our family.  I won't break up our family right now, but . . . this is where I really and truly am, and yes, I need your prayers.  I want your prayers.

Juana posted this on her blog from a woman who left a comment.  I leave you with this, as I was left with it too.

I, being made in the image of God a believer, a woman and a wife, having equal worth in God’s sight and equal access to the Lord as my husband, choose not to grasp after a position of equal leadership with my husband, which is not my God-given place, rather I choose by God’s grace to make myself nothing —taking on the very nature of a servant which was the attitude of Jesus. Desiring with all my heart to be humble like Him, I choose to be obedient to God’s command and submit to my husband and die to myself.  I understand that this decision will cause pain and suffering at times. But in those moments, may I all the more identify with my Lord. When the cross is hard to bear, I pray for the will to give Him the burden of my heart and learn to rest in Him. I trust God and His word and am confident that He will exalt me in hearing of one of his own who obeyed His will. By his grace I will receive my reward worshiping Him in His presence forever, confessing Jesus Christ as Lord to the glory of God the Father.

This post is linked to Titus Tuesdays over at Time Warp Wife.

xo, Angela

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2 comments:

  1. Thank you for your honest post. ~Brought you and your husband before the Father in prayer. ... I would encourage you to get involved in a local church (body of believers) if at all possible- so they can support, encourage, and lift up you and your husband, especially since you folks are going through a lot right now.
    Praying that through Christ, you see a big change in your marriage. :)

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    Replies
    1. Ah, my dear sister in Christ, thank you for thinking about us and taking us before the Lord! I appreciate it more than you know.

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