When God seems like He doesn't care

As  some of you know if you read my post yesterday, I was suffering from, "the sin of ingratitude."  After pondering on my life's work, I decided that I wasn't where I wanted to be, and what I've done and accomplished just isn't enough.  Somewhere along the way in my journey called "living" I realized that I'd let my life be "interrupted."  Or had I?

"Why Lord?" Why haven't you allowed me to accomplish ...?

Wallowing just isn't my thing (anymore) so I knew I couldn't stay in that frame of mind. Although I sort of felt like I was right?  Why did everything always seem to come so hard for me?  Why did I have to struggle—fight and plea for my portion?  Why?

"Don't wallow Ang.  Don't do it"... I couldn't focus on the lie and allow it to consume me.  I had to fight and fight hard because my mind told me, "I had a "right" to be angry, and that I was right"  An internal struggled carried on.   I began to pray.  I picked up pen and begin to write.  I wrote of gratitude.  My blessings: gave thanks: eucharisteo.  Why?  Ann tells us that Martin Luther says, "If you want to change the world, pick up your pen."  She then goes on and tells us that Erasmus says, "A nail is driven out by another nail; habit is overcome by habit."  So I know in order to move forward: I must take hold of pen and write.  Write words of gratitude.  Give thanks.  That is my practice, the practice that must form into habit.  When life is low I give thanks and write.  Go in search of His gifts.  Thank Him.  She also says that, "Eucaristeo always precedes the miracle."  So I practice.  And I forget.  Forget about the dreams gone by ... the time that I feel I've wasted.  Ann is right.  Once again, my joy returns, and I proceed with the work of the day.  My calling.  He loves me with all His heart and "giving thanks" reminds me to love Him the same—with all my heart.

After I finished schooling the kids I quietly slipped away to my room with His gift in hand.  It is my bread.  As I sat reading her life changing words...I thanked Him again and asked for forgiveness.  I let the poetic rhythm of her words—really His words...take root.  And I gave thanks: eucharisteo.

Later that evening I thought about her and decided to visit.  I'm so glad I did, I was blessed and ministered to by yet another one of God's women.  Oh, how beautiful she looked.  Make-up and hair just right!  She spoke to me.  She, like Ann, understands.  They understand me.  LIFE INTERRUPTED, is what she calls it. I was kind of thinking on the lines of, "Ain't much of nothing happening for me," but I'll accept "life interrupted."  Priscilla said it's not a life interruption if it's coming from God.  It's a "spring board to what God has for us ..."  Super natural results.

I know with every fiber of my being that God loves me, and knows what's best for me.  I know He has a plan for me... But ... at times He seems to take so long and if I'm honest seems to "not care" ... Now I know that is not true, but that's how it feels to me sometimes

If I can leave you with anything I'd like to remind you that sometimes we just have to be still and rest.  Rest in knowing that He knows exactly what He's doing and He knows exactly what we need.  I point you back to Exodus, yet again.  God knew that Israel needed to go through the wilderness to get to the Red Sea.  It was He who took them through the wilderness.  It was He—using Moses, who parted the sea, gave the clouds, the food, the water, protection and ... .  In the wilderness is where He performed the miracles.  The wilderness that He led His people through.  I continue to say "wilderness" because that's where I felt like I was in my mind yesterday. 

When you are feeling down and out—discontent, give thanks and learn.  C.S. Lewis says, "If you think this world as a place intended simply for our happiness, you find it quite intolerable: think of it as a place of training and correction and it's not so bad."

Feeling as if your life has been interrupted?  Listen to what Priscilla Shirer has to say.

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