He has called me to be home first

Ithink about today's topic over at Ann's.  "Living a resurrected life."  "Is there even such a thing," I ask?

I think and I think.  Think on this subject for weeks ... participating very little 'cause I just didn't get it.  Not much anyway.  Then this morning, while talking to my husband about where I am ...  I tell him, "I'm going to live again.  I am not going to let your ways or any other persons ways point me in the direction away from God.  "I'm going to live freely in His realm. 

This is it isn't it?  This is how you live a resurrected life.  You live totally surrendered to Him.

I'm going to share something with you.  It's my reality.  I don't share this for any other reason, but to help you see how God is working on me.  I don't know your situation.  What I do know is that regardless of how dim a situation seems to be ... when we give our situations to God ... give Him everything.  He can and He does take that everything and turn it  into our gateway to joy— making us joyous from the depth of our being.  It's a joy that "the world didn't give to us and the world can't take it away."  Joy can come from a multitude of bleakness. 

The problem with me is that I have to keep learning this.  I have to learn this over and over and over again.  In one of my blog post I shared about my feelings of loosing focus as a mother.  I shared that I was becoming weary and how I've been steadfast in trying to find writing gigs for myself.

Many of you are stay-at-home mothers.  And many of you rely solely on the income of your husband to provide financially.  But many of  you have access to you and your husbands bank account.  That is not my reality. 

I don't want to make it seem like my husband never gives me money because he does.  Sometime he gives me a lot and other times it's just a little bit.  It just depends.  But I've never had the liberty of knowing how much is in our account and just writing a check or using the bank card.  Every purchase I make I have to go through him first, and then he tells me "yeah" or "neah."  So when I say that I am tired.  This is what I am tired of.  And this is what weighs me down, to the point sometimes I began to loose focus.

I want freedom.  I don't want to be treated like a kid.  I'm 45.  This was causing me some resentment with God 'cause I figured, "Look Lord, I wouldn't even be in this predicament if I hadn't listened to you.!"

I use to complain all the time to friends, Pastor and those closes to me.  They would simply say, "Put the kids in school and get a job."  No one understood my calling, or maybe it was that they didn't take it serious or didn't understand what a calling was.  I don't know.  One day, however, I was finally able to get my Pastor to understand where I was and why getting a job for me wasn't as easy as it sounded.

"When you get tired with the church do you just up and decide not to preach or oversee the church?"

  "No," he said. 

"Why?"  I asked

He got it.  It was His calling.  Being a stay-at-home mother who homeschools is my calling, and Jesus coming to earth to die on the cross for our sins was His calling.  Jesus didn't just give up when things got tough ... when He was in the garden crying for the cup to pass.  No it was His lot.  He had to work within the realm of His Father's will.

Last week was really bad for me.  I was at my wits-end, I was seriously thinking about getting a full-time job {8-5} and asking my mother to come and help me teach the kids.  But I had no peace with that decision.  I knew that's not what God wanted me to do.  He wants me to trust Him by working within His realm.  But I was tired.  Tired of doing it God's way and getting no results, right?  Tired of doing it my way and not getting any results is a better way of looking at it.

So my husband and I talked and he assured me that things will get better.  He wants to take his business online and said he would like to hire me to write the blog.

I don't know if that will ever come to fruition or not, but what I do know and I shared this with him is this: God has given me a realm to work within.  As long as I stay within that realm, I am in His will and will have peace and His guidance and I can move about freely. 

In this realm He will give me wisdom, discernment and whatever else is needed for my journey, but I must not only trust ... I must obey.

Whenever I venture outside of that sphere that He has given me, I am walking and working on my own.  I am picking from the forbidden tree.  He has called me to be home FIRST.  To homeschool—to be a keeper of my home, come what may.  This is my lot.  It's my cup and my portion.  Everything else past this is secondary.

All of the obstacles that I posed in my head to the Lord as reasons for going against Him, He has showed me how to accomplish all that I wish within His will—that realm that He has given me.  So I will strive to work within God's realm once again.  I'm learning to  die to how I perceive things should go and am being resurrected to His plans and His will once again.

"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." ~ Jeremiah 29: 11


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