I share much about myself on this blog: the good, the bad and the very ugly.
In writing and sharing, I find help. I find help in ways that better me. I find it in ways where I learn more about me, and in finding these things, I am able to make some conclusions about myself which helps me work on me.
Yes. I am a work in progress.
Knowing how I am "wretched" and knowing that God loves "even me anyway" causes me to love Him back.
Knowing that God loves me anyway makes me wanna give myself to Him more, to keep getting up even though I fall.
Knowing God loves me makes me want to live my whole life for Him.
Yes. Today I can say that Nancy Leigh DeMoss' ministry blog "Revive our hearts" is one of my favorite, but I couldn't always say that.
Once upon a time I was upset with Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Back to the Bible, but neither knew it. They probably wouldn't have even cared had they known. I mean really, who am I?
I was upset with Back to the Bible for taking Gateway to joy off the air, or rather for not renewing Elisabeth's contract. And I was upset that Nancy was taking her place.
I was so upset in fact that I called Back to the Bible, and was a sobbing mess by the time I hung up. Talk about "truthfulness." The guy that I spoke with was surprisingly rude and raw. I believe to this day that the things he shared with me he shouldn't have.
I thought it was unprofessional, but looking back I see God's hand in that too because it allowed Valerie and I to become transparent with one another.
When I hung up with this guy, I immediately called Elisabeth's daughter Valerie . . . sobbing.
She calmed me, but that day I made a pledge in my heart.
I pledged to never listen to anything or read anything that dealt with Back to the Bible's Ministry or Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
And I stuck to that pledge for a few years.
Even missing my beloved Woodrow Kroll.
Family members and friends who knew my stance would call and say, "Nancy Leigh DeMoss was really good today. You really should listen."
"And . . . Your point???"
Finally they got the message and they stopped.
But as it always is with me, once the anger and the hurt began to subside I was able to hear God's voice.
Back to the Bible or Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Nope.
I was angry with God. I was angry because I thought what He was doing with Elisabeth was unfair. Blaming Back to the Bible and Nancy Leigh DeMoss seemed easier than blaming God. It was nonthreatening.
Eventually I was able to go back to my daily routine of listening to Bible programs on the radio, but I tell ya, even now, when I listen to Revive our hearts here on KHCB in Houston I think, "That's Elisabeth's time. That's the time she use to come on."
I miss her show dearly and sometimes I wish they would just re-air them. Thankfully I have many of her tapes and am able to go back and hear her teachings.
The other thing that the Lord showed me ... this is something that I often have to remind myself of because I don't always adapt to change good, but the fact is: there are seasons.
Gateway to joy had it's season, and now it was Nancy's season.
I thank God for reviving my heart and opening it up to receive the many blessings that He's given me through the Revive our hearts ministry and Back to the Bible.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under the heaven. ~ Ecc. 3:1 ESV
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